Archive for May, 2008


Indiana Jones in Star Wars?

After countless numbers of rumours, script changes and felt tip fedora’s, Indiana Jones and the Kindom of the Crystal Skull is finally on screens across the globe. Does it live up to the expectations of fans or does it fall below the line?

The movie is set in the 50’s and right from the opening scene it does feel like a real Indy Jones flick, and I suspect that this part was done with just Spielberg.

But then here comes this rediculous alien plotline and this most certainly is where George Lucas steps in. It’s almost as if Spielberg decided that “Alien’s in ET Worked, so why won’t it work in this?” and Lucas said “well actually Steven, I’ve got some left over footage from this shit prequel Star Wars trilogy, we can just change the characters and call it Indy Jones“.

I’m sorry, Indy is all about adventures, artifacts, women and stunts. Well stunts weren’t short in this movie, but they were all the same.

Indy jumps from a truck to a jeep, Indy gets pulled from a bike into a car, punches the bad guys and gets back on the bike, Indy jumps from car to truck to car to truck to boat. I GET THE IDEA HE CAN JUMP FROM CAR TO CAR.

He hardly uses his whip, he hardly uses his gun, in fact he hardly has any meaningful relationships with characters.

One thing that always was great about the indy films was the chemistry between Harrison Ford and his supporting cast. Well this time round the movie is just full of characters that you really couldn’t give a shit about. You have a woman from the Soviet Union who has no real agenda trying to make Indy find the Crystal Skull, Indy’s collegue from the school, his sidekick Mutt and a double crossing agent guy who is fat with a british accent. When the story gets weak they just seem to mention an old character like Indy’s dad, Marcus Brody or they bring back Marion Ravenwood for a reunion and make up a totally transparrent story of their failed relationship.

It’s bloody boring as is the dialouge, in fact Harrison Ford seems to be the only one who has any wit about him, with interesting things to say and a fantastic performance while the rest of the cast lets him down.

John Hurt puts in a damn good role but once agian has only about 5 minutes worth of dialogue.

Action sequences are great but all in all the Crystal Skull will dissapoint most, it was solid but nothing outstanding and the whole Alien plot just ruined it for me

5/10

If we were to think of FPS games as beer we’d have a stark comparison. We’d have the high quality german import beers, namely Bioshock, Rainbow Six Vegas and Call Of Duty 4 to drink and enjoy, before we emptied that six pack and moved on to the lukewarm piss your cousin mopped off the toilet floor and put into beer bottles and made his own beer namely Haze.

 

Sure your cousin talks it up but no matter how much sugar he throws in to sweeten the nectar (pun intended) it leaves a horrilbe taste in your mouth and once you have digested in your mind what you have just drank you begin to vomit you guts up like your fourteen year old sister who came home pregnant last July.

 

That’s right Ubisoft have served up another tasty turd compliments of the Hype Train after we were all just starting to forget about that whole Assasin’s Creed thing. He’s in the past, he’s from the future, DNA reconstruction WTF!

 

Haze puts you in the role of Shane Carpenter, fresh out of college and joining the Private Millitary Corporation Mantel. Mantel soldiers are hand forced a drug called Necatar, which enhances their vision and increases their health and strength. For all the good this drug does it sure as hell doesn’t increase brain activity which brings me to my first gripe… CHARACTERS AND VOICE ACTING.

 

Some of my favourite lines

“It’s like taking candy from a cippled baby”

 

And who can forget the timeless battle cry “BOOSH”

 

The NPC’s are uninteresting and do little to forward the story even when they are attempting to, and you end up just hating them by the end of the second or third level. Voice acting, even by the protaginist seems lacking and phoned in, and overall the player tends to not connect with the characters of the game.

 

The story is like a kebab, good idea in theory but horrible the next morning which has you sitting with the porcelain princess for most of the day. Haze’s idea’s were intriguing but due to shitty voice acting and not ever going into anything in great detail, it’s all it is, a good idea that is never explored to even 25% of it’s potential.

 

Graphics are very average, but there are some shining moments. Smoke from fires when in open environments billow out realistically, and looks fantastic, and some of the ligting effects are really done well. It’s not the worst game to look at, but it’s sure as hell not the best either.

 

Got your run of the mill guns here that Charlton Heston would be comfortable handling on his back porch while waiting for Michael Moore, and they all seem pretty weighted and sound fantastic. This is where Haze shines, the sound. Guns and explosions sound, whats the words I’m looking for, FULLY SIC!

 

Mulitplayer, while lacking game modes is a lot of fun. It’s not going to overtake Cod 4 anytime soon but it’s good for a change. Also drop in, drop out 4 player co-op does make the single player worth playing again a second time round with some friends.

 

All in all Ubisoft once again fooled us in thinking this was going to be a gem, and with Free Radical involved we all bought it! Haze is a solid game but it’s not going to wow you, and with it’s terrible voice acting, a story that could have been amazing but was under developed and  average graphics, it’s going to be a game you either love or hate. I personally quite like it, but to keep an objective view I’ll give it the rating it deserves

 

6/10

 

GTA IV Review

Every man and his dog has either reviewed or played this so I decided to go shot and effective

hype² Definition hype (hīp)

noun

deception or fraud
extravagant or excessive promotion

to deceive or con
to promote in a sensational way

Converse of object

believe: You can believe the hype: GTA IV is a great game.
justify: Driving through the streets of a living, breathing Liberty City is great – but was all the hype justified? forget: Forget the hype – GTA IV still would have stood on it’s own two feet without it
ignore: Ignoring the obvious hype, GTA IV is quite seriously one of the greatest games ever made
generate: Misinformation has generated much hype in the media about the censorship of GTA IV in Australia
associate: Despite the hype associated with GTA IV it was found that dispite it’s flaws, it’s a game that can be enjoyed for many hours, is robust and just about caters for everyone

9/10